Would you please correct my English?

Posted by on . 6 comments.


Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
It passed 0AM, the date has changed.
I went to the Tokyo Kenko Land with my family last night.
There is a leisure facility which has more than twenty baths and big restaurant, the game area, the rest area where we can see movies.
The baths are made up to the spas in many parts of Japan and the baths with especial functions, for example the bubble bath and the waterfall bath and sauna bath etc.
Yesterday, I studied English a lot and had our dog a walk and also had my family enjoyed, I spend a full day as the first day of six straight holidays.
Thanks, all !



Comments

  1. bookgrl says:
    September 20, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
    It passed 12 AM, the date had changed.
    I went to the Tokyo Kenko Land with my family last night.
    There is a leisure facility which has more than twenty baths and big restaurant, the game area, the rest area where we can see movies.
    The baths are made up to the spas in many parts of Japan and the baths with special features, for example the bubble bath, the waterfall bath, sauna bath, etc.
    Yesterday, I studied English a lot and gave our dog a walk which my family also enjoyed. It was a full day as the first day of six straight holidays.

    Your original was not too bad. Just watch out for similar words that mean different things and irregular verbs.

  2. Serious? says:
    September 20, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
    It passed 0AM, and the date has changed.
    I went to the Tokyo Kenko Land with my family last night.
    It is a leisure facility that has more than twenty types of baths and a big restaurant, a game area, and a rest area where we can watch movies.
    The baths are made up of spas in many parts of Japan and there are baths with special functions, for example the bubble bath, the waterfall bath, and the sauna bath.
    Yesterday, I studied my English a lot, took our dog for a walk, and enjoyed my family. I had a full day as the first of six straight holidays.

  3. Jade says:
    September 20, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
    It passed 0 AM, the date has changed. (You don’t have to change the time, but you might want to convert it if you’re trying to make this American English.)
    I went to the Tokyo Kenko Land with my family last night.
    There is a leisure facility that has more than twenty baths, a big restaurant, game area, and rest area where we can see movies.
    The baths are (I don’t know what you’re trying to say here, so I’ll guess) like spas in many parts of Japan and has baths with special functions, like the bubble bath, waterfall bath, sauna bath, etc.
    Yesterday, I studied English a lot and took our dog for a walk. My family also enjoyed a full day as the first day of six straight holidays.

    (Depending on what your family is enjoying or if you are enjoying your family, it’ll change. I just chose what made more sense to me.)

  4. Aisaka says:
    September 20, 2009 at 8:53 am

    I’m assuming you’re simply looking for an editor, so I’ll do my best, and hopefully others will also have good answers.
    —
    Wednesday, August 12th, 2009.
    It passed 12AM, so the date changed.
    I went to Tokyo Kenko Land with my family last night.
    There is a leisure facility that has more than twenty baths, a big restaurant, a game area, and a rest area where we can watch movies.
    The baths are made similar to the spas in many regions of Japan. They have baths with special functions, such as the waterfall bath, bubble bath, and sauna bath among others.
    Yesterday, I studied English a lot and took our dog out for a walk with my family. This is how I spent the first full day of six straight holidays.
    —
    Hopefully that helps!

  5. Kim says:
    September 20, 2009 at 8:53 am

    Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
    It passed 12AM, the date has changed.
    I went to the Tokyo Kenko Land with my family last night.
    There is a leisure facility which has more than twenty baths and a big restaurant, the game area, and the rest area where we can see movies.
    The baths are part of the spas in many parts of Japan and there are baths with special functions, for example the bubble bath and the waterfall bath and sauna bath etc.
    Yesterday, I studied English a lot and took our dog for a walk and also enjoyed time with my family, I spent a full day on the first day of a six day holiday.

  6. GetaBrain says:
    September 20, 2009 at 8:53 am

    It’s a little bit difficult to understand what you’re trying to say in some places, but I’ll give it a go….

    ————————————–
    There is a leisure facility which has more than twenty baths, a big restaurant, a game area and a rest area where we can see movies.

    The baths are similar to the spas in many parts of Japan and some of them are quite special, eg there is a jacuzzi, a waterfall and a sauna.

    Yesterday I studied English a lot, took our dog for a walk, and enjoyed the first of six full days on holiday with my family.
    ————————————–

    I’m not quite sure what you mean by "baths". Perhaps "facilities" is the word you want…? You would not say "sauna baths" or "waterfall baths" – these would simply be called a sauna and a waterfall.

    I tried my best! :)

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