what would you tell a non disabled kid that says these things?
he’s 10. he tells his parents he hates them and to get the gun so he can kill himself. that he wants to kill himself when they tell him to do his homework or chores. or when he gets into trouble for misbehaving.
i want him to hear it from other people who are not as fortunate as him. he’s 10. has a loving family. lives in a nice home. smart and a good looking boy. has toys, bikes, getting a new video game system, a cell phone, has tons of friends, new clothes, nice new shoes, a hamster, gets an allowance lives in a nice home with a pool & spa. nice skateboard & bike and goes to skatepark with his dad every night. lives with a loving attentive dad and step mother. his mother lives 2 miles away and he sees her. he has no disabilities whatsoever. he has it made in a nice middle class family.
yahoo tell him like it is!
i know what you are saying about the spoiled thing. he gets tons attention his dad works from home and his stepmom is a stay at home mom and his real mom is 2 miles away and he sees her on the weekends and spare time. he is diciplined. he gets grounded, spanked if real bad, loses allowance, priviliges taken away. what im saying is that he is throwing out the im gonna kill myself card to throw a tantrum. we tell him hes acting like a spoiled brat and doesnt appreciate his stuff. i just want him to hear how lucky he is to be alive able bodied. coming from his parents it goes in one ear out the other.
Tagged with: amp spa • bikes • chores • dad works • hamster • homework • loses • loving family • middle class family • misbehaving • new shoes • skateboard • spare time • spoiled brat • stay at home • stay at home mom • step mother • stepmom • tantrum • video game system
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Nothing anyone says is going to make one scrap of difference to this young man, he will not care or take notice, so its pointless for people who don’t know him to tell him how lucky he is.
I see a few things that need to be addressed, the first one is his threats to "kill himself" any person making these threats (children included), needs to be taken seriously, especially if there has been weight loss or increase, increase in anger out bursts, not wanting interact with others etc. His parents, if they have any concerns, need to speak the boys doctor and tell him/her of the boys threats, behaviours etc.
Do the parents have a amicable relationship?
If they don’t, he may well be acting out his anger and frustration. When they separated did they have family counseling? Just because he was little does not mean it did not affect him.
The second is his parents and step mother, need to work together to ensure he has set guidelines for behaviour, for both homes and he knows what the consequences for not doing homework, chores or back chatting etc are. They also need to ensure he has set routine, rules on when he can use video games, computer access and so forth, these must be used as a reward for completing homework & chores.
Sadly many children become confused when living with one parent, then go to stay with the other parent, even for a short period such as the weekend, and the house rules or routine are lax or non existent and this will often make children act out, because they are confused. Is his behaviour worse after the weekend or does it increase just before the weekend, if it does you need to ask him calmly why he is acting out, does he want to go?
Telling him he is a spoiled brat may not be the ideal way to deal with his behaviour. He needs to be told firmly that he is going to do ……….. (homework/chores) and he has no choice, unless he wants his phone, computer, video privileges taken off him, or he is sent to his room, with not access to t.v etc, (sadly many parents will make a threat, but never follow through with it).
Preteen and teen years are a fairly rough time as you will recall, boys will have an significant increase in testosterone, which can make them surly, angry and more aggressive etc. So his behaviour could be related to puberty or something else maybe going on, none the less you need to be really firm but fair, and most certainly consistent in how you manage him.
I would tell him nothing. I would tell his parents that they need to parent up and quit spoiling their child. The parents have created this situation, not the child, and until the parents do something to change it, the child’s behavior will only get worse. He is throwing temper tantrums like a two year old, and apparently the parents give in to it. THAT needs to STOP.
I think he needs to see a psychologist. That sounds like a personality disorder to me. Especially with threatening suicide – that is not normal in a 10 year old no matter how spoiled they might be.
Are you that 10 year old boy? if not tell his parents about what hes saying,
if you were on an airplane and you say bomb, you in for alot of trouble
this days you have to take children seriously, alot of accidents had happened because of what some one knew but didn’t tell about
Hi,
Reading all the things he apparantly has it would appear that it really is true when people say money cannot buy love.
Materialistic items while they can be enjoyable do not replace one on one interaction between two human beings.
My sister has gone through a similar behavioural issue with her 5 year old, and you’ll be amazed how much his behaviour changed when her and her husband simply stopped using material items to substitute for actual talking and interaction with the child.
Its amazing what paying attention to a child can actually achieve.
Regards,
TgTips
if that was me, my parents would beat the stupid out of me.
his parents need to stop spoiling him and they need to teach him how to act his age.
I think you are wrong, He is definitely "disabled" – spoiled rotten ! No disrespect intended to those who are actually disabled in one way or another. You may think the boy has a loving attentive dad and step mother, but apparently they do not discipline the boy. They need to take away all his "goodies" for him to learn how to do without, restrict him from going to the skatepark and from using the pool and spa. It sounds like he has resentment towards his natural parents for getting divorced and his step mother for entering the picture. Above all, if they truly love the boy, they would get him professional help. It is not normal for a boy that age to talk about killing himself, and by no means should they ignore a warning sign.
This is what military schools were created for. I’d dump him somewhere until he appreciated the home he has.
This child is not ‘pulling the I’m gonna kill myself card.’ There is no ‘i’m gonna kill myself card.’ If this child is threatening to harm himself or others, he and his family need to see a therapist and a child psychologist. I, myself, am frankly disgusted that you would ask us to ‘tell him like it is.’ As a person who has nearly lost family members to events like these, I am shocked and offended that not only have you taken no action, you have actually gone out of your way to make things difficult.
Being alive and able bodied is just that… being alive and able bodied. While it’s definitely something that should be appreciated, it’s not motivation to be more appreciative of other things, at least at that age. Being alive and able bodied isn’t going to make you appreciate people dragging their nails on a chalkboard.
Saying anything about suicide should be taken seriously. Even if he doesn’t intend to do it, there’s almost definitely some sort of problem.
As for the things you’ve mentioned about what he has, just because they’re things YOU want doesn’t mean they’re things HE wants. Being 10 isn’t exactly a good thing. Loving families can express that love in unwanted ways. For example, some people don’t like hugging. Some people dislike presents or other material items being used as displays of affection.
A nice home is really open to opinion… I doubt he had any say in the matter when he started living there… or any time since. He may be upset at the type of flooring (carpet, etc.) or the amount of noise (from inside or outside the house, or both of course). Or anything else. Some people can be bothered quite significantly by these sorts of things.
Being smart means nothing, everyone is smart in some way or another. Only difference is how many people recognize that particular type of intelligence. And being smart in the commonly acknowledged way can actually be a bad thing. Less challenges, less encouragement, more focus on failures than successes. People with recognized disabilities are almost at an advantage in this way. Not always, of course, but it does happen.
And I really hope he doesn’t spend his entire day looking in a mirror. Looking good shouldn’t be related to happiness. People who look bad shouldn’t be expected to feel bad. They’re still people with as much right as anyone to feel happy… and they’re pretty capable of it too.
Toys, video games, cell phones are great if you like them. Not a huge fan of pointing out the obvious, but not everyone does. Toys and video games include a wide variety of things, and he might not like the specific items. You can’t tell someone to enjoy something simply because they have it. It needs to matter to them. Doubt you’d like a used toothbrush. And some people just don’t like cell phones.
Friends are also an individual thing. Is it possible his main reason for having friends is simply encouragement from parents, teachers, and other respected adults? Or maybe he feels he’s being expected to spend too much time with them? Some people who want friends still prefer being alone most of the time, just doing things with friends occasionally, when there’s a specific thing they both want to do. Not doing things just because they’re friends.
Do the new shoes fit? Not everyone fits in shoes very well, and being the right size doesn’t always mean it’ll be comfortable. Similar things go for clothes. Does he like the type of clothes (turtleneck, T-shirt, shorts, pants, etc.)? Does he like the material (velvet, cotton, etc.)? Having clothes isn’t a good thing on it’s own. Them being new may not be exceptionally important either.
And while I doubt anyone would get a hamster for someone who doesn’t want one, is it possible that he’s changed his mind about having one? Maybe he doesn’t feel ready to care for a pet? Or just hamsters.
And he may not like skateboards and bicycles. Or maybe he does, but feels too pressured to use them. Maybe going to a skate park every night is too often for him.
And you really have no right to say he doesn’t have a disability. People have disabilities before they’re diagnosed. People with cancer have it before they go to a doctor for a diagnosis. He may not have any health-related problems, but you have no right to assume. Some problems can go unnoticed.
EDIT: One thing I’d like to add, it’s important that not everything in his life is rewards/punishments. Having some things being reliably accessible (NEVER taken) is important. It’s also important that the things being taken away as punishment for bad behaviours aren’t things he depends on for reassurance. For a younger child, this may be a stuffed toy… or any other item. May be several items that have this effect. Whatever those things are, it’s important he has ways to calm himself. If punishments are taking those things away, it can be extremely counterproductive.
This little guy needs help. He is far too young to have suicide on his mind. I would be very concerned. This is not frivolous. Some underlying issue is prompting him. It could be as simple as the separation of his parents, and frankly, his mother living so close could add to any grief, or sense of abandonment he may feel. The human psyche is both wonderful and terrifying. I abjure you to seek a means to assist this boy before the word ‘suicide’ becomes so entrenched in his mind that he does something about it. Please…
It’s the parents not the child, it sounds like they let him run the show and he is. In this day sometimes I see kids getting more then they should and they start playing a game of get what you can and don’t worry about anyone else.
I raised my five kids in the backwoods of Northern Minnesota, the nearest town was 38 miles away, they bussed for two hours one way to school, they never missed a day. We hauled our own water and the thunder mug was outside in an unheated outhouse.
They all went to college and are no doing very well, two retired at 55 years old.
he needs some help he definitely needs to see a psychologist
how does her behave in school because he sounds like one of those kids they put in special for kids with emotional and psychological disabilities.
what a spoiled little boy !!!! if he was my kid , I would bring him a gun and ask him to shoot his head ! he’ll freak out and never ask for a gun again !
Edit : I think you really care for that kid , from what you say ( the separeted parents the stepmom …etc ) , I understand why he acts so childish , he need attention , love …
what you can do , is to tell him that if he wants to die , he can go throw himself in the highway or from the bridge ! that’s so easy and it will end it . try to explain to him that death is not a solution , he is a lucky cute boy , he must try hard to become an important man and live a happy life , he worthes it . I guess you’ll help him .
It sounds like he needs some compassion from his parents. If it is attention he is after, try giving him positive attention. Throwing expensive things at him won’t help. Throwing sob stories about people "less fortunate than him" definitely won’t help. I think the whole family could benefit from family counseling.