Is she a bridezilla, or am I an insensitive Maid of Honor?

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My best friend is getting married in about 4 months. I've been trying to help her plan it for over a year. She has gone way above budget & is putting a ton on credit cards & going into debt. I tried to talk to her about not hiring a 00 wedding photographer, but she wouldn't listen (especially after getting the $ from the groom's father).
As Maid of Honor, I've tried to help a lot. Besides buying the dress, ugly flat shoes (so I won't be taller), the shower (complete with custom cake, flower arrangements, games and prizes paid for by me), shower gift etc. She also asked me to print the invitiations (I did) & she said she would cover costs (she didn't).
I'm expected to throw her bachelorette party. She wants a spa day, a lingerie shower, dinner & clubbing. Problem, since I'm expected to also pay for a wedding gift. I live 6 hours away, & will have to pay for a hotel for a week!
The final insult was telling me she was only going to spend each on bridal party gifts! Am I nuts?



Comments

  1. HyAnCnY says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Whoa!
    Bridezilla to the max!
    I would have a sit-down to discuss not only the weight of this wedding on you as a person but on your friendship.
    If she’s any sort of a friend she will do SOMETHING about this mess.

  2. mstuffyakim says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    no your not nuts, you sounds like a great friend that is getting taken advantage of, but hopefully she will only get married once and it will soon be all over. If I were you, i would sit down and have a talk with her about your frustrations and see if you both can get on the same level.

  3. Linda Lou says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    she is Bridezilla,a baby and a spoiled brat..dont think that marriage will last long!

  4. tigeri4263 says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Wow…she’s a bit of a brizezilla. I wanted a limo and a really fun night for my bach party and chipped in $200 to make it happen. I never wanted to burden my bridesmaids with lots of expenses!

    I got them $80 presents of their choosing at a Silpada jewelry party so everyone would enjoy their gifts.

    Good luck!

  5. L♥G says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    She sounds like a spoiled brat that thinks she will get what she wants at whatever cost. She is the insensitve one! You aren’t nuts, you are doing the duties as you should for being MOH….but there comes a point that she should be a little more sensitive to your needs. If you live far away, she should at least help you pay for a hotel room or offer you a place to stay(at her place or another fam member) . I think you should tell her that you need to have a heart to heart with her, and then tell her how you feel with out fighting over it, just be calm about it. If shes a friend, she will listen, if not….I say you back out….because even though this is her special day, no friend should ever do this to their friend.

  6. stephchap81 says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    It sounds like a bridezilla to me. You have gone above and beyond your duties as a main of honor. Who spends $9000 on their photographer? The pictures better be made of solid gold! Oh well, I guess if you want to remain friends, you should have a frank chat with her, because she seems to be milking you dry.

  7. Michelle J says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    She’s a bridezilla. $9,000 photographer?? I wanna be that guy!

    Tell her flat out "I do not have any more money to spend on this wedding". It’s amazing that she expects SO much from you, and doesn’t have any consideration for anyone but herself!

  8. Ricardo says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    My dear MOH. I feel your pain, and she is a bridezilla. Best thing you can do at this point is "Cut Your Losses." This marriage will not last anyway. Unless she is marrying Donald Trump’s nephew, your bridezilla friend will never be satisfied, and her husband will NEVER be able to satisfy her. He will suffer a lifetime trying, or also will cut his losses, and run for his life (and checkbook) hopefully soon. Back out now, tell her you simply cannot afford to donate anymore to her wedding, and she MUST find another MOH. Otherwise, she will drag you down to the poor house with her. And, by the way, does she by any chance have a substance abuse problem?

  9. marie m says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Wow! And you are still her friend? Time to tell her that you are running out of money…..and you can’t keep spending what you haven’t got!

  10. Katie says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    NO!!! That is rediculous! It is HER wedding not yours! You shouldn’t be paying for things such as invitations… It’s not your fault she is going over budget. But let her know that you have already invested a large amount into the wedding and that YOU throw the bachelorette party… not her…. do a chill (cheap) day with friends or something. And when I was maid of honor (and I had to pay for all that crap) I bought the bride a spatula for the wedding gift… I’m not made of money. If you look at the situation and say… that’s what I want from her when I get married, then do it… but if you say (like I did) "I would never treat a friend this way" then I would tell her how you feel. You are not being rediculous. She is.

  11. littlerascal711 says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    return the favor, your only gift should be the card. printed on your computer. Maybe you could give her a photo frame from Wal Mart. Then have some nice Wooden Frames and some nice metal edged ones too.

  12. heather m says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    I’m getting married in five weeks. My sister is my MOH. As far as my bridal shower and bach. party went, I let her do what she thought would be fun. I had a blast. You need to take your friend aside and let her know that you will do what you can to give her a nice day but that you can’t afford EVERYTHING she wants. If she reacts negativley to it….then tell her that you can’t allow yourself to continue to get hurt by her and you don’t think it’s a good idea that you be in the wedding. She still has four months to find someone else. You can make good out of the money you’ve spent on the dress by donating it to one of those High School Prom donations for girls who can’t afford a dress. It’ll make you feel good. Don’t allow her to continue to demand things from you……but also, don’t be offended by what she spends on gifts for you, that makes you sound materilaistic as well.

  13. barbie_044 says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    sorry but your friend is crazy someone needs to tell her to relax or you’ll end up being in debt as well and it’s not even your wedding!!!

  14. Joe Mama says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    No… she isn’t a bridezilla… they usually have money… she is just really cheap, and has no clue about budgeting. She is also getting caught up in the moment.

  15. Kaitlinツ says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    You’re nuts to let her walk all over you. Don’t pay for anything unless you get the money in advance. If she has a hissy fit, quit. Then she’ll be left friendless, and maid of honor-less. There’s no excuse to be a B!tch, especially during a time that should be joyous.

  16. Elsie says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    RE: going over budget and spending too much on the wedding, keep out of it. If she wants to go thousands of dollars in debt, then that’s her business.

    RE: everything you’ve done so far, you’re a great friend, and a great maid of honor, especially since you live so far away. When I asked my best friend, who lived about 6 hours away) to be my MOH, her first response was "don’t expect a shower". She was great in all other ways, and I’m not a shower/party kind of person either, but I still thought it was a bit crappy.

    RE: the bachelorette party, personal shower, etc, you shouldn’t have to shoulder the full financial responsibility, so talk to the other bridesmaids and ask if they can pay for this part, or split it. If they can’t, then ask them what they think is reasonable, and then talk to the bride. Let her know that you talked to the other girls, and this is what you (meaning all of the attendants) would like to do for her. If you’re paying for it, they you should get to decide what you do for her. I stood up in a wedding where the bride wanted to do dinner and clubbing after. We all paid for our own dinners, but chipped in to pay for her’s, then we all paid for our own drinks at the club, but took turns buying for the bride.

    If she starts crying and whining about how this is her big day, and you’re ruining it, THEN YES, she is a bridezilla. If she takes a step back and says, whoa, I’m sorry, I’m spending a lot on the wedding; I didn’t even think about what this was going to cost you guys", then she’s the best friend you’ve always known and loved.

    RE: the invitations, unless you remind her, she’s probably not going to remember to pay you back…she probably has a million things on her mind, so offer a gentle reminder. Maybe say something like "I need to buy my plane ticket to the wedding, so is there any way you could get the money for the invitations to me by X date?" If she still doesn’t get them to you, considering offering them as your wedding gift. I don’t know what the cost of the invitations were, compared to what you budgeted for her wedding gift, but if she hasn’t sent you a check by a month before the wedding, offer them as your wedding gift. Call her and say you’ve been giving it some thought, and you’d like to offer the invitations as your wedding gift, so you don’t want her to give you any money for them.

    I hope it works out. I would hate to see you lose your best friend over this.

  17. Banana says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    I don’t think being a bride has anything to do with it. Sounds like she’s got some MAJOR character flaws in general! I’m sorry, but I would tell her to shove it!

    Now that she’s this far along in the planning and you’re in the wedding, I would just tell her that you can longer pay for the hotel and therefore will not be able to participate. Trust me, Bridezilla will foot the bill! Ha ha! She’ll need to downscale to (only $8,000) for the photographer! Biatch!

  18. valschmal says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    No you’re not nuts. It sounds like she is thinking that since she is spending a lot, everyone else should too.

    As far as you being shocked about how much she is spending on the wedding, you are entitled to your opinion, but the spending is not what makes someone a bridezilla.

    If I were you, I would get all the other b’maids together and tell them that you are just about tapped out on funds. You’d like to do a bach. party for her, but you cannot swing the kind she wants. See if they would be willing to go in with you for something you can all afford to do. It is selfish and rude of her to tell you what kind of party to throw for her. Just do what you can.

    As far as a wedding gift, a lot of b’maids have to consider the money they are spending being in the wedding as their gift. They just don’t have the extra to give. And that’s okay.

  19. OZZIEGAL says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    i’m sorry i don’t buy this ‘i’m the bride and you do what i want’ b.s. perhaps its time for bridesmaids and maid of honor to sit the princess bride down and give her a reality check. being the bride doesn’t give anyone the right to drain their friends financially, emotionally, and wear them out physically! it doesn’t give her the right to abuse friendship and to renege on promises to pay for things.
    you have gone over and above the duties and the expense of a maid of honor, and i would strongly suggest you have done enough.
    i can see your arranging for all the girls getting together and doing a spa day OR dinner and clubbing OR a lingerie shower, but not all of them and certainly not at your expense. if it were up to me, i would get the girls together for the dinner and everyone pay their dinner, split the cost of the bride’s dinner and then everyone, [except the bride], buy one round of drinks and after that each pay their own tab. [including the bride]!
    if she wants a spa day, then she pays her way~if she wants a lingerie shower then someone should have it for her~you’ve already done one. and it wouldn’t be amiss for someone to suggest that really she should be paying for the spa day for her wedding party as a thank you gift.
    good luck with it all! its brides like this demanding little wench that give all brides a bad name!

    as for her spending so much on the wedding itself, stay out of it, thats up to her, her groom and their parents! don’t get involved! nine grand for a photographer is insane!

  20. curious gal says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    She sounds like a bridezilla and you’re her kick toy. She’s taken absolute advantage of you and your friendship. A similar situation happened to a friend of mine and let’s just say, if I ever met the bride, I’d give her a hard kick in the behind.

    If you’ve had enough, you should consider talking with her about her behavior. The fact is you cannot keep up with her lack of concern for money. If she cannot accept your reasons, then consider bowing out of the wedding. But be ready for her to dump you as a friend.

  21. Kate says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Oh my. She’s out of her gord! What is she thinking? Is she typically this selfish? Talk to her and let her know that you cannot continue to support her needs financially. Let her know that you are there to help in whatever way you can, but you cannot continue to fork over dollar after dollar. Be upfront and honest with her and if she’s truly a friend, she’ll understand. Best of luck!

  22. Celebrations by Christina says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Oh my goodness, you have a bridezilla on your hands! Unfortunately this is something a lot of brides do. And $9000 for a photographer is outrageous!! Photography is not cheap, but that is way above the average cost! As maid of honor, you have taken care of your duties, plus some. You have definitely gone above and beyond, especially in paying for the invitations! As far as the bachelorette party goes, that is a bit much. And besides that, it isn’t up to her to plan it! She needs to be grateful for anything you do! It sounds like she is a bridal diva. You are not being insensitive at all. You have to draw the line somewhere!

  23. jgf5822 says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    you are NOT nuts. man, you have a lot more patience than i am.

    i just hope this wedding doesn’t come between you guys:(

  24. Vero says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    I think she is taking advantage of you. I belive that you as maid of honor plan the bachelorette party, not her. Talk to the other bridesmaids and see what is in their budget. Chances are they will agree with you and you can pick a couple of things, such as the lingerie and a nice dinner. Then tell her the day is a surprise and if she gets all pouty about it once you do tell her what you’re doing, then oh well. She cannot get everything she wants, period. I feel sorry for her future hubby since he will have to endure her spoiled "me, me, me" attitude. As for her wedding present, just give her a gift card for about $25 to a store that she registered at. You’ve done way more than expected to already, give your pocketbook a break.

  25. sden2616 says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    she is a crazy bridezilla. Yeah this is her day, but all these demands and wanting all this stuff. (custom cake for shower, flower arrangements) I would have been happy with some snacks at someones house. Also, I think that a spa dat, lingerie shower, dinner and clubbing is too much. Are you all rich. Have you discussed this with the bridesmaids? Tell her she is going to have to pick one only b/c it is getting to be more than you can afford and you don’t want to go into credit card debt b/c of her wedding.

  26. Mrs. A says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    She sounds like a royal b**** who expects everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. You better set her straight. I’d refuse to do the bachelorette party – you’ve already done WAY too much!

  27. Nora says:
    December 15, 2009 at 12:31 am

    she is really outrageous. tell her you bow out

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